FNG Famous Quotes
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. There are 2 times when a man does not understand a woman... You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there. The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life." Fred & Gerry We don't do drugs anymore cause we find we get the same effect just by standing up really fast. Fred & Gerry
"Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to." "Testosterone is a great equalizer. It turns all men into morons." - Anonymous "With girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said 'Are you Louise?' She said, 'Are you Rodney?' I said, 'Yeah.' She said, 'I'm not Louise.'" "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, so I figure that's why my boyfriend moved." "It wasn't easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day." "For years, my husband and I advocated separate vacations, but the kids kept finding us." - Erma Bombeck "Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard." Marriage Quotes "There are two kinds of thinkers in the world. Those who think they can and those who think they can't...and they're both usually right." -Unknown "It's not me who can't keep a secret it's the people I tell that can't." Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest. "If all you have is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail." -
"As the French say, there are three sexes: Men, women and clergymen." "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." "According to the American Medical Association, sleeping less has been linked to big guts on men. They say getting more quality sleep creates lean tissue. So women, next time you see your man sprawled on the couch over the weekend, Leave him alone, he's working out." Don't be afraid to ask dumb questions. They're more easily handled than dumb mistakes. The government solution to a problem is usually as bad as the problem. This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness. "I like long walks -- especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." -Fred Allen Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. "To err is human. To really foul things up requires a computer." -Philip Howard Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how "You know what's the worst thing about being the best man at Opinion is ultimately determined by the feeling, and not by the intellect. Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through Seen on the headstone of an atheist, "Here lies an atheist, "Just think, Monica Lewinsky turns 28 years old this year! It He who cannot forgive others destroys the bridge over which Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Give to the world the best you have, and the best will come back to you. Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once. Morals are private. Decency is public.
Live as though it were your last day on earth. Some day you Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only "The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the "When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they My kids never understood my logic. Both of them failed to see "Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I Nature arms each man with some faculty which enables him The winners in life think constantly in terms of I can, I "Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get "I have to talk to my girlfriend every day on the phone. My It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat "Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much." You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire Universe, He that will not reason is a bigot, He that cannot reason is The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of "I know some good marriages - marriages where both people are When a man says he approves of something in principle, it Air Canada???? "According to a new report, this year airline passengers have "The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears Sooner or later we must realize there is no station, no one The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are "I could tell my parents were smoking pot when I was a kid. I always turn to the sports pages first, which records There is real magic in enthusiasm. It spells the difference "Critics say that Andy Warhol's famous portraits of Camp- We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at After all is said and done, usually more is said than done. Better to be occasionally cheated than perpetually suspicious. "The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal "An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." "America is the only nation in history which miraculously has "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light I have found the best way to give advice to your children is The length of a minute is depends on what side of the bath- One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that "With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her You have not converted a man because you have silenced him. There is no such thing as a 'self-made' man. We are made up An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much The hearts of the great can be changed. There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving and that is your own self. I was wise enough to never grow up while fooling most people we've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes we've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are we've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're we've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship we've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in we've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken The biggest conspiracy has always been the fact that there The only way in which one human being can properly attempt There is just enough room in the world for all the people in Many risks fail because they were not taken in time. Too many risks are postponed until unnecessarily elaborate preparations are made...Don't sit back waiting for the perfect moment. It almost never comes. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" People who soar are those who refuse to sit back, sigh and wish things would change. They neither complain of their lot nor passively dream of some distant ship coming in. Rather, they visualize in their minds that they are not quitters; they will not allow life's circumstances to push them down and hold them under. Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. There is a fine line between a "hobby" and "mental illness". If the world didn't suck, we would fall off. Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. "We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time." Vince Lombardi Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it. "Time is infinitely more precious than money, and there is nothing common "I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west!" - Rodney Dangerfield The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher regard those who think alike than those who think differently. "Whoever said, 'No man is an island,' has obviously never seen my stomach in the bath tub." - Bruce Streibel Hollywood is the only place you can wake up in the morning and hear the birds coughing in the trees. There is only one pretty child in the world and every mother has it. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own. The means by which we live have outdistanced the ends for which we live. Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men. "I went to an authentic Mexican restaurant. The waiter poured the water and then warned me not to drink it." Many ideas grow better when transplanted into another mind than in the one they where they sprang up. Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't put on his pants. They can't censor the gleam in my eye. My mother didn't breast-feed me. She said she liked me as a friend.
---Rodney Dangerfield One of our favorites: Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them. We love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. "Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Pass gas at your in-laws dinner table - man, NOW your talking comedy." Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal. I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. I can resist everything except temptation. A careful study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. For a man to achieve all that is demanded of him he must regard himself as greater than he is. If parents would only realize how they bore their children. You are forgiven for your happiness and your successes only if you generously consent to share them. It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of nonessentials. Duty is what one expects from others, it is not what one does oneself. You are always a valuable, worthwhile human being, not because anybody says so, not because you're successful, not because you make a lot of money, but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason. You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest, that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present. I have found that when confronted with a difficult choice, the hardest thing to do is usually the right thing to do. You are always a valuable, worthwhile human being, not because anybody says so, not because you're successful, not because you make a lot of money, but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason. Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead. Truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it. "Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy." To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it's night and day to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting. Tolerance is only another name for indifference.
"When you see the writing on the wall.... you can bet you're in a public restroom." "I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I never have any clean clothes. Because, come on, who wants to do laundry on the last day of their lives?" "The trouble with being punctual is that there's nobody there to appreciate it." "You know you're going out with someone too young for you when they say, 'Did you know Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings?'" My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four RCMP officers and a police dog to keep us apart. ALLIANCE, In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted into each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third. It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man. Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. "Start off every day with a smile and get it over with." Everything is funny as long as it's happening to someone else. Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave The Internet is a great way to get on the Net. "I just got one of those new devices that make my cell phone 'hands free.' Now I can get back to eating and drinking when I drive." The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it. I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, 'Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?' or 'Do you have the $50 you borrowed?' Man, quit being so cheap! "Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are "I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate." "Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. Tell your friend a lie. If he keeps it secret, then tell him the truth. "There are only two truly infinite things, the universe and stupidity. And I am unsure about the universe." "The purpose of a liberal education is to make you philosophical enough to accept the fact that you will never make much money." Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of It doesn't matter how much you want. What really matters is how much you want it. The extent and complexity of the problem does not matter was much as does the willingness to solve it. Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things "Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." "The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner." "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. --- Jeff Foxworthy "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look ---Dave Barry
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it. The true value of a human being is determined primarily by how he has attained liberation from the self.
"I like to tease my plants. I water them with ice cubes." -Rita Rudner -Ronald Reagan We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. There's only one way to have a happy marriage, and as soon "We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction." Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit "A smile is the light in your window that tells others that there is a caring, "There are no secrets to success: Don’t waste time looking for them. "It is useless to hold a person to anything he says while he’s in love, "It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. "If you are experiencing resistance, you must exert some persistence "The grass is always greener on the other side, until you jump the This year will go down in history. For the first time, a civilized nation has
full gun registration. Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient, and the
world will follow our lead into the future. "Life is like a mine field, you must walk through it one step at a time, but
with imagination. Once you shut down your imagination and step We do not inherit this land from our ancestors; "Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction." "Do not follow where the path my lead. "Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking "Luck: when preparation and opportunity meet." "Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have." Honor is the one thing no one can take from you; "The minute you start talking about what you are going to "Hate is baggage. Life’s too short to be pissed off all the time. "Everyday the world turns over on someone who's just In difficult situations when hope seems feeble, the boldest plans are the safest
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. "Things turn out best for those that make the best of the Many a doctrine is like a window pane. We see truth through |
